Why Fear Has No Business in Our Relationships

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People. People. People. We’re everywhere. They’re everywhere. We were reminded this past Sunday that the Ten Commandments are all about relationships. Have you ever stopped and thought about that? Relationships are the most important thing on God’s mind. First ours with Him and second ours with everyone else. Let's unpack why fear has no business in our relationships.

Why do we have such a hard time with this? Simply put, we’re selfish. We’re unbelievably consumed with ourselves. We’re also many times driven by fear in our relationships. It’s a heart issue for sure. That’s where it all starts. That’s where you learn most about people by what’s inside their hearts.


"But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart." Matthew 15:18
"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23
“I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” Jeremiah 17:10

Truth No. 1 Why Fear Has No Business in Our Relationships

Fear is the Opposite of Acceptance

Did you know it’s up to us to make our relationships good? Our relationships are our responsibility. Not anyone else. It’s up to us to deal with troubled relationships, not everyone else. It up to us to recognize if we’re buying into the lies of fear. I stumbled upon a quote while searching for more about the opposite of fear who has also been searching for the opposite of fear himself – “fear of each other is usually rooted in a lack of understanding about each other.” He also says the opposite of fear is acceptance. BINGO! I couldn’t agree more. Mitch Anthony The Clarity Blog

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you.” Luke 10:27

Truth No. 2 Why Fear Has No Business in Our Relationships

Fear is the Opposite of Love

If we’re loving God with ALL our heart, soul and minds it would come naturally for us to love others. It would come naturally for us to be proactive in our relationships with others. It would be natural for us to extend grace instead of holding them to a standard we don’t even hold for ourselves. It would come naturally for us to feel accepted instead of being blinded by fear that we aren’t accepted. Our eyes are either wide open with love or completely closed with scales of fear.

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

Truth No. 3 Why Fear Has No Business in Our Relationships

Fear is the Opposite of Safety

I was reminded of this recently. I confided in a friend about a comment from someone else that offended me. Once I heard myself say it out loud the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin. Why was I so bothered by that person’s words? Fear. Fear lies to us. I did not feel accepted by this person in that moment. I felt like they didn’t understand me and therefore feeling safe in our relationship was out the window for me. These feelings created a self-centered-it’s-all-about-me attitude. Once we latch onto fear we begin to believe those lies. Instead, I should’ve sought for understanding between us.

"He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities." Psalm 103:10
"Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends." Proverbs 17:9

Let me ask you question. Are you fear driven, or love driven? What’s your heart full of? Fear? Or Love?

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:18
"The fear of man is a snare, but the one who trusts in the Lord is protected." Proverbs 29:25 (the Message says it this way: The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that).

Truth No. 4 Why Fear Has No Business in Our Relationships

Fear is the ultimate liar

Have you heard the song “Fear is a Liar” by Zach Williams? It’s good stuff and you can listen by clicking here. If you have, give it another listen and really hear the words. The first line says, “When he told you you’re not good enough.”  Think about your relationships with others as you give it a listen. Ask the Lord to show you what your heart looks like and when He does show you be willing to be honest with yourself about believing the lies of fear.

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